Sunday, January 20, 2008

Ancestry

I was over my sisters house looking at pictures and then again with my girl and my daughter just the other day. Its amazing how much I haven't changed (in regards to hair) ever since I was born. I look at the thin side, the fine texture, the short length. I think my hair has been five or six inches at its most for my entire life.
(me in 2007 before locks - around May)








Examining this I think about my locks. I think some of them are about that size now (after 4 mos of growing) and I wonder how long they will be next
(me in 2007 to the left) week, month and year. I'm diligently reading everyones blogs to see where there hair started especially those that have very long locks after years.

(Me 2004)








I then think about my ancestors. I remember braiding my great grandma's hair and oiling her scalp. She would sit in her rocking chair - we would have coffee or tea with cookies in china and someone would be watching Lawrence Welk. There we would be and I would be the beautician of the group asking my grandma and great grandma and auntie if my hair would ever be like theirs so straight so pretty so carefree. They didn't need perms or anything to have this corn silk hair they just needed hot oil treatments with blessed olive oil and to roll their hair with pink foam rollers wrapped with newspaper. I begged for this hair, wanted to die for this hair. Why didn't mine do this? It just soaked up the oil and my sides never got thicker never grew never lengthened what was wrong with me? Then I looked at my mom. She had beautiful past her shoulders braids when she was a child that she cut off immediately after beginning junior high. Maybe it was because of this that mine was so short and unruly. Its so fine and thin and BAD! It coils and curls and isn't straight at all.

Now looking at these pictures I feel all of the pain. The teasing by children about my bad hair, the wishing for beautiful mixed hair or straight white hair or curly mexican hair anything but my hair. I felt this was such a punishment my hair of mine, and now I'm looking at these pictures of my locks and I see thickness I see fullness I see peas of hardness and new growth. I measure my locks with my fingers and think one day I'm going to wake up and its now going to grow past this length. I'm not going to have hair past my ears - but here they are. I won't have hair on my forehead but I see three inches and four inches of growth creeping its way down. I feel hair on my neck that is mine and wanting to go further. Without any encouragement other than being left alone. This is a miracle that I feel so unworthy of at times, I am frightenend with every retightened I see this change in me and feel my strength and feel the tears dropping down my cheeks. Tears of years of pain tears of ancestry.

1 comment:

Meikmeika said...

What a beautiful post! And I too can identify with everything you have said. My grandmothers had long and thick hair that didn't require perms and when I look at old pics of my mother before her perm days her hair was soooo thick. I either wanted thick hair, manageable hair or both.

Something I always hated was being made fun of by other kids, I got called "nappy head" cause most kids had perms when I was still natural. The things we go through as children.

I've been natural for over 10 years and have had plenty of struggles. Plenty of hair envies, plenty of negative comments, and plenty of upliftings. Through all that, I have fallen in love with my hair. Now, don't get me wrong, I still have my "what am I doing with my hair" or "I wish my hair would do this" type of days but for the most part I'm in love and this feeling is indescribable. To not fret over what people will think of my hair, to embrace all positivity and let go of the negativity, to love me for me and to look at my hair in the mirror and see beauty and no flaws. But the journey has been worth it.

I know this is a long post but I've been in your shoes. The awesome thing about Sisterlocks is in the beginning you really don't know how your hair will appear the following year. The first year is when fullness occurs and the second year is when the growth spurts start gloriously rearing their beautiful heads. I would have never imagined my locks would appear the way they do and be at this length..WOOHOO!!! Sisterlocks to the Rescue!!!!

Can't wait to hear what you're saying a year from now and I'm so happy you're coming into your own.