Monday, March 8, 2010

Another day another meeting another picture

So ran a 5k yesterday I was so excited and happy and thrilled and Steph and I did such a great job. But then I got home and was tired and not hungry so I ate mindfully and we took a nap. Then I had a sensible bowl of cereal (non - gluten in case you want to know). That's when my binge started. Maria and I made mexican food the day before and I heart mexican food so much so there was left over green chili and pork and tortillas and white cheese so yummy. I started with nachos, that turned into green chili and chips that turned pizza and wings and on and on. Until my stomach was soooo full and hurtful and I just wondered what the hell am I doing?

I've been very mindful about my eating. Allowing myself what I want and getting rid of the rest by throwing it away. What made me want to just gorge? I think its me. When I get tired I want to eat, when my body is in pain, I want to eat, if I fight with Shary about dishes, I want to eat.

Then after OA meeting tonight I went online to see my pictures from the race. OMG ok I thought I doing so much better! I looked huge! My thighs, calves, everything it was such a let down. So add to my list of what makes me trigger to eat I now add pictures of myself. So far that leaves:
1) Restrictions
2) Sleepy
3) Eating in front of tv
4) Trying to hard to be perfect
5) Frustrations at work
6) Not journaling
7) Pictures of me
8) Weighing myself
9) After therapy

So far that's about it right? My next step for OA is my inventory. This I think will be a little more difficult. Inventoring all of your flaws for all to see...hmmm but I live for my meetings I do twice a week and they are amazing (different locations but still the same soul and love). Without them and God helping me I know I would be a lot worst off. Write ya later

3 comments:

Lisa said...

Hi just came across your blog. I have a history of food issues as well...

Good luck on your journey.

Bombchelle said...

Hey sis...I think this day was a turning point for you. You're like a totally different person now with motivation that I want to model myself after.

Meikmeika said...

I know I'm responding to this post so very late... We are our own worst critics. When it comes to "lifestyle changes" you have to take it one day at a time.