10% Weight Loss

This is insane! 10% down. 10% of my body weight has been given away - not lost - I don't want it back at all. I got to meet with my doctor and we figured out my goal weight which will be under 30 BMI. Very healthy and exciting for me, I want to be a WW leader by my next birthday.

Life is looking up :)

Another loss Another gain

Here I am again. Wow I'm at 196. 196! I'm in a size 16 (I haven't been there since well I don't remember). I started going to counseling to see why I keep fighting this weight. I'm feeling so much healthier on this new life. I think I've turned a corner. I no longer want to go back. I feel challenged and happier and healthier yes - however I feel like I'm mourning the old me. I don't want to see her again. I'm breaking up with her and not returning.

I've been with her for so long, she's served me well. She's been my protection and now we're saying goodbye to each other. Now I'm seeing the new me. The new me is exciting. She likes to work out, she likes healthier snacks, she eats out now and then but chooses on the better side of the menu. She's learning to garden, she's learning to swim. She's enthusiastic, she likes long walks, she likes bringing her food with her and asking how meals are prepared. She's fun to be around, she's vulnerable, charming, attentive and a good friend. I'm glad I met my new friend. I hope we have a great long relationship! :)

Under 200

That's such a weird thing! Under 200 I haven't been here since maybe 5 years ago. Its wonderful, its weird, its lovely, its scary. Its a sign to keep going....

Bicyclez

BTW we both got cool bikes, here we are

Losing Losing 1 2 3

Favorite quote from the meeting today "If you kinda work the plan it kinda works, if you really work the plan it really works!". Veryy cool. I feel encouraged. You may ask what am I doing? Well I'm on weight watchers (have been since January 1, 2009). I eat 25 points per day (whole grains, lean meats, dairy, five veggies & 2 fruit). I also exercise I call it - EDD - every dang day. No, I don't go to the gym everyday but I do ride my bike, do Chalene Extreme DVD at home (strength training), walk at least 1.5 miles, do Chalene DVD Turbo Jam and some of the time Dancing off the Pounds Ball room. I really mix it up. If I don't do a DVD then I'm walking at lunch, if I don't walk at lunch I come home and do 30 min of strength training, etc. Its hard yes. There are times I wanna sit on my booty and just eat and eat and eat. But I've been down that road and I know what it is.

I am so close to under 200 now, I can see and feel it. this is the picture that got me started, its also my picture that I will keep going to, here's the picture of me in the same shirt 17 lbs later. If I keep this up Steph says I'll be at 180 by the wedding. That will be good but I want it to be great. I wanna be Biggest Loser great ya know? 150 or 160? Slow and stead win the race right?

Not much to say today

Lots to think about though. I'm officially down 14 lbs! That's incredible to me, but more importantly its a scary time. Usually when I get this close to under 200 I really do sabotage. I talked to my WW leader and am trying to reframe and story board - basically plan what I'm going to do in situations that get to me. Some of the time I don't want to work out, some of the time I want to eat and eat and eat when I'm stressed - which is a lot more than I care to mention - at work. The politics, back stabbing, etc. It gets to me, I then have to think, I die from to much stress or because I ate myself to death these same people would be first in line to say something ugly at my funeral!

So I strive to give the best of myself, I try to be better, I work out harder, trying to lift more weights, train harder, eat less, splurge less (but still be satisfied). My new life is a scary road but I'm willing to keep training

By the way here's my new bike I'm getting for B-Day

Changing Careers

So most of the time I do blogging on my hair and today I'm getting it retightened.

While I'm getting it retightened we have lots of time to talk and reflect. We've had a hard couple weeks. A friend of hers, Eric Jerome Hill (53) died suddenly of a heart attack. It's been surreal, I find myself thinking about death and not waking up one morning more and more. What's that about? I don't know but I think that we all get shown things in life to help us make good decisions. Part of my good decisions includes making sure I'm eating healthier and working out daily. As I get stronger and lose more weight (I'm down 11 lbs) I think about my own mortality and what I want my legacy to be.

I enjoy my job I feel I do a great job, however, I know my calling is to teach and inspire. This makes me think of a change in careers. How can I blend technology and my love for inspiring others into a good career? I too may not wake up one day and in that day I want to know I did as much of what the universe either God or the Goddess wants me to fulfill so that I can meet them and have them proud of what I did. Whether you agree with my faith or not, I feel that you are shown things in the order you are to receive them. For example, Eric's death was meant to touch me but I feel its for a bigger reason other than to make me saddened. It was to show me that time is short and that I have to get started and working harder and harder because if my time is like his, I only have 15 years to live, to love, to complete my journey to perfect myself. Its not a long time, but even 30 years is a short time to perfect onself.

I am reenrolling in school to get my counseling certificate (yes another master's) but with this I can continue slowly doing what I feel God wants me to do. Yes, this blog is deeper than about my hair but my life is not my hair, my life isn't even mine I feel. Its about giving my life to others and hopefully giving them joy and happiness :) Peace and love to everyone that reads my blog because your blogs feed my soul as well!