Exploring Intuitive Eating

Today again

2011-08-06T19:49:00.001-07:00

I started ww again last week. After the first week of pouting like a child and having 50 points days I gained 2 lbs.

So today I have tried even harder to stay on track without making myself feel bad. I noticed that I am also wanting to overeat more and more like I haven't learned anything from my two years of hard work.

Hmmm I wonder what made last time so different and maybe easier. I think it is back to me being kind to myself and not allowing things I cannot control to dictate this disease and its effect on me.

tomorrow is an even better day but for now today is what i have.

Hmmmm split pea soup

2011-05-09T17:13:00.000-07:00

I'm getting ready to go to my nephews play but more than that I'm feeling that warm anxious scared feeling that comes when I don't have any substances (sugar or flour) in my body.

I've started going back to meetings and working on myself again. I'm also very excited to work on helping another starting Not for Profit get started and it may be my opportunity to get started too.

I helped a friend of mine with a terrible issue. He's being attacked at work by his team, his supervisor and even the supervisor above him - very ugly very nasty and will get very serious soon. I pray for his exoneration and strength. Its so hard when you feel exhiled. I remember it well. I lift him up to the universe to help protect him.

I write, I journal, I plan my food and I try not to weigh myself. Also I feel. It seems like I feel everything. When something is going well - I feel. When something is hurting - I feel even more. I dream about the job and my successes. I worry about my daughter going away to college. I worry that I am making the wrong decision at pretty much every step. But then other times I am confident, and happy and know that I am right on track for what God wants for me. Its soo odd

So the title? I don't know I feel like making split pea soup for dinner and then I started writing first.

Clouds

2010-07-28T23:47:00.000-07:00

Another day of retrospect. Tonight as I fight insomnia I led to ask about the meaning of these feelings. Some of the times I feel so much pain and anxiety. I feel things are so unfair. Some people get everything and others get nothing. I remember the times when I was one of the favored ones getting everything. I remember how others would express to me how upsetting it was not to be a favored one and my saying "one day you're time will come".

I like the feeling of being in the clouds. I like the warm floaty feeling I get. Flying above the world being able to see everything but not really being part of anything. The positive parts of being in pain is that it keeps you grounded and away for the clouds. You can't live in the clouds forever. That drifting floating feeling is meant to be enjoyed in doses.

Pain also is in doses. This anxiety won't last forever. I will be more than my pain or the anxiety I feel. I try different things (like just writing). Some of the time I try doing something that will make me feel a different feeling (like watching a comedy). These things keep me in the world and allow me to enjoy the clouds more when I do escape to them.

I remember this when it comes to eating. I have been dieting and restricting and fighting and wrestling with my own thoughts about eating since I was a teenager. Some of the time the fear of being hungry or being too full overwhelms but soothes me. Then I remember that this is false reality - like the clouds. They float over me (the thoughts and false promises). The "if's" are too great - what if I was a size smaller? What if I reached my goal weight. What if I had my ultimate career. All of these things intrigue and inspire me or used to.

Now what inspires me is this need to grow to accept where I am and be willing to change. Enjoying this feeling that's happening now (like how I'm just now getting sleepy). Without fully being in the now I can't really be in tune with my own needs and the ability to help myself - which is what I need the most

What is it about food

2010-07-27T20:23:00.001-07:00

I went to group tonight and without breaking confidentiality may I say what is it about food?
What is it that drives us crazy and makes us start arguments, wars, hatred, jealously and disease all for the love of food? What is it that gives it sooo much power over us? There's good food, bad food, healthy food, lack of food, food that shows you are wealthy, food that shows you are poor, food that gives you nutrients, food that causes disease, food that can be sold like gold, food that is thrown away that no one touches anymore because its touched a trash can but is a meal to someone who has none.
I haven't really thought of it much even though I think of its limiting powers immensley. Saying no to it used to give me so much power. Saying yes to it meant I was weak. Whether it was chocolate or nachos, it had control over my life, my waistline and some of the time my ability to function or get rest.
I hate food but need it to survive. I love food and can gorge for hours until my stomach hurts.
Food used to be my drug of choice. Fighting it has been a life long battle. I think I'm winning

Another day another meeting another picture

2010-03-08T20:38:00.000-08:00

So ran a 5k yesterday I was so excited and happy and thrilled and Steph and I did such a great job. But then I got home and was tired and not hungry so I ate mindfully and we took a nap. Then I had a sensible bowl of cereal (non - gluten in case you want to know). That's when my binge started. Maria and I made mexican food the day before and I heart mexican food so much so there was left over green chili and pork and tortillas and white cheese so yummy. I started with nachos, that turned into green chili and chips that turned pizza and wings and on and on. Until my stomach was soooo full and hurtful and I just wondered what the hell am I doing?

I've been very mindful about my eating. Allowing myself what I want and getting rid of the rest by throwing it away. What made me want to just gorge? I think its me. When I get tired I want to eat, when my body is in pain, I want to eat, if I fight with Shary about dishes, I want to eat.

Then after OA meeting tonight I went online to see my pictures from the race. OMG ok I thought I doing so much better! I looked huge! My thighs, calves, everything it was such a let down. So add to my list of what makes me trigger to eat I now add pictures of myself. So far that leaves:
1) Restrictions
2) Sleepy
3) Eating in front of tv
4) Trying to hard to be perfect
5) Frustrations at work
6) Not journaling
7) Pictures of me
8) Weighing myself
9) After therapy

So far that's about it right? My next step for OA is my inventory. This I think will be a little more difficult. Inventoring all of your flaws for all to see...hmmm but I live for my meetings I do twice a week and they are amazing (different locations but still the same soul and love). Without them and God helping me I know I would be a lot worst off. Write ya later

Don't have much to say

2010-02-24T19:37:00.000-08:00

Except I know that I am getting more and more sleepy the more mindful I am about eating. I also know that I can eat less and still be ok. Some of the time I'm cranky and even have a headache but other than that I survive. I know that I enjoy jogging and walking and that I'm getting faster and faster and I can now job for five minutes without feeling like I'm going to pass out. That's hilarious. Me on the treadmill and I'm not dying its incredible and wonderful and I love the feeling.

I'm enjoying my classes at school and I'm enjoying meeting the new people its been a truly humbling experience. Learning more about myself is such a gift and can be heartbreaking. See you next blog.

The O, J Craig, and all the rest

2010-02-15T20:32:00.000-08:00

I keep looking at different commercials and weight loss plans and shaking my head in agony. I was rereading journals from the year 2001 and even though it was around 40 lbs ago the hurt and pain is still there. I keep reading how people keeping thinking the latest diet will work and it hurts me to my soul. I have been struggling with weight and being overweight since I was 12 years old. During my parents divorce and even afterwards I used food to stuff down the feelings of abandonment and shame I felt - who wants to be left alone? Certainly not a 12 year old girl. My mom had to work hard to raise myself and my sister and brother.

My best friend Cassandra introduced me to food. Her and I would hang out at her house (her mom was such a great cook) and we'd eat fried bologna and mashed potato sandwiches with Velveeta. We watched tv and hung out around the house. Her mom made us treats until dinner. I would have dinner with her family and then go home to my empty house. During this time I remember getting so large that my age and size of dress were the same. I had such anger at my mom for deserting me, my sister (I felt) deserted me too -- leaving to go live on her own. I was with my brother but he rarely was home and when he was, he would take his anger out on me. Not always in the nicest way - but he was hurting too.

These memories have been hidden for a long time but now through hard work and facing my problems and not eating them out has allowed me to become to start healing. My answer to weight loss is this, some people can drink and never be drinkers, some people can smoke joints and never be addicted, others can eat food and not be addicts. I, however, have been blessed and cursed with food addiction. However, this addiction has made me face things, be honest, learn to believe that only God can help me and not a weight loss gimmick or plan. Its hard to eat only when you're hungry, its hard to pray and ask for strength instead of reach for a cookie, its hard its hard but it works every time. Not fast, but surely. Exercising sucks - yes it does but the results are beautiful. I am happier, calluses and all. Today I walked 3.75 miles. In May I'm going to do a 10k this is the reward, living longer is the reward but being honest with myself was the beginning - not believe in an actress or superstar but believing in me.

Pretty good job so far

2010-01-02T13:30:00.000-08:00

I've been doing a great job doing my every damn day workout plan. I've been working out at least 30 minutes per day since December 29. Is it hard - yup! I'm also really focusing on my nutrition, keeping to my ww points I need for the day and starting a new supplement of chromium picolinate 200 1 per day and whey protein after I work out. I've also starting thinking about taking mx-ls7 from iSatori, but not sure right now. I'm only taking one a day because i have high blood pressure but I will see what happens and let you know.

My biggest issue is that I'm trying to lose more than I did last year and get in better shape overall. (Hence the working out and strength training every day). I want more overall core strength better and trying to do more cardio to get my waist and hips smaller. We shall see :)

In 365 days

2009-12-26T15:15:00.000-08:00

I lost 34 lbs, I realized I can run, I allowed myself to cry, I was honest with myself, I told the truth even when it wasn't popular, I spoke out when I knew things were wrong, I shut up when I knew it was the best option.

I did Chalene Extreme without dying, I learned I love the series Snapped, I volunteered at a women's prison and learned more from them, I sang in the choir again, I let my heart open up and let others in, I learned that there are people out there with only their own interests at heart, I learned that taking time for myself is not selfish, I married the girl of my dreams, I watched my daughter graduate without her father around, I watched my daughter and her father get closer - without my help, I watched my daughter's stepmother disappear from her life without saying a word, I witnessed the miracle of old friends coming back into my life, I watched as my best friend and sister moved away.

I saw my hair grow 5 more inches, I saw myself decrease in dress size from a 20 to a 14/16, I decided to change careers, I learned that I do like myself at times, I learned that I like to read the Bible, I allowed myself to listen to the only CD I've sung on, I learned to kill moths and spiders all on my own, I let myself be weak enough to ask for help, I let myself be strong enough not to let others walk over me.

I learned I liked red kitchen walls, I watched my house decrease in value by $40,000, I watched as my income decreased by $3000 due to a budget shortfall, I learned that we would make it by being creative, I began crocheting again, I said goodbye to a doggie.

Here is to another 365 days

Recommitment to Weight Loss

2009-12-25T11:17:00.000-08:00

I thought now, Christmas day, would be a great time to look at my progress and recommit. Last year on this day (well December 27) I weighed 217-219 today I weigh 183. After one year I've lost almost 35 pounds and I'm still going. I'm putting up these pictures to show where I came from. Everything that I've read says this is the best way to remind yourself whenever you want to overeat so here I was in March of 2008

And here is me on wedding day October 8, 2009.

Here I am on Christmas day one year later. I have more to go but I am taking this time to give myself a kudos I think its important to remind myself where I've come from and where I'm going. I hope next years pictures are just as good. I'll be able to look at this from wherever just to keep me on track.

Prison Visit

2009-12-13T19:18:00.000-08:00

Why did I go to prison? I was curious of volunteering in a place where I could make a difference. Also, I was hoping to make some connection and to learn about others. Mostly I was scared and do not like being lead by fear. As we started service it was clear that many of these women knew more about life and even the bible than I ever would. We sang songs, shared stores and talked about God's love together. Our chaplain reminded us that all of us have some type of prison. The only difference is that their crimes have been judged and they are physically constrained. Many of us on the outside do not have this luxury and I mean luxury. They have to continue their lives in guilt, addiction and fear. Dealing with their imprisoned state with no walls. Prisoners have time to think and prepare and work and worship and repent. Many of us go about our lives and never try to do these things. We are too busy with our lives to even try. Too busy to think that are time is short and that we only have a brief moment to make a difference. To touch others, to pray and repent or even to make amends to those we've hurt. This prison outside is just as real. Visiting prison made me strangely aware of how imprisoned I am here on the outside.

188

2009-09-12T18:17:00.000-07:00

Its just a number I know but 188 to me is 28.8 pounds given away. Given away to a disease of compulsion to eat and eat and eat. Its years of thinking that extra cake was going to make me happy. That bliss came in nachos. That no one would love the real me. I have had a beautiful last few years. I have gone up and down and over and under as you know but today I have made a turning point. Over the last few weeks really. I have pushed my body to the limits, lifted heavy weights, hiked up a mountain and did the elliptical.

Throughout the next few months my journey continues. One realistic expectation is that I keep writing about my feelings and thoughts, keep being natural with myself and keep doing good for others. I feel this is why I'm here. Really not to go through a battle with weight but to be a soldier in the army of right. Not holier than thou right but right enough to see something right in front of me and try to make a difference.

I'm starting with leaving the focus of "me" and turning it to community. I am starting by volunteering at a homeless shelter for youth simply by being there and listening to teenagers from time to time. The agency is called Urban Peak http://www.urbanpeak.org/. I'm excited about this new journey and I hope I do my higher power justice!

As I continue to grow & give away I am also amazed at my hair. Its interesting that just like my weight, the less I focus on it and just let it be and shine on its own the better it does.

10% Weight Loss

2009-06-08T20:53:00.000-07:00

This is insane! 10% down. 10% of my body weight has been given away - not lost - I don't want it back at all. I got to meet with my doctor and we figured out my goal weight which will be under 30 BMI. Very healthy and exciting for me, I want to be a WW leader by my next birthday.

Life is looking up :)

Another loss Another gain

2009-05-30T12:06:00.000-07:00

Here I am again. Wow I'm at 196. 196! I'm in a size 16 (I haven't been there since well I don't remember). I started going to counseling to see why I keep fighting this weight. I'm feeling so much healthier on this new life. I think I've turned a corner. I no longer want to go back. I feel challenged and happier and healthier yes - however I feel like I'm mourning the old me. I don't want to see her again. I'm breaking up with her and not returning.

I've been with her for so long, she's served me well. She's been my protection and now we're saying goodbye to each other. Now I'm seeing the new me. The new me is exciting. She likes to work out, she likes healthier snacks, she eats out now and then but chooses on the better side of the menu. She's learning to garden, she's learning to swim. She's enthusiastic, she likes long walks, she likes bringing her food with her and asking how meals are prepared. She's fun to be around, she's vulnerable, charming, attentive and a good friend. I'm glad I met my new friend. I hope we have a great long relationship! :)

Under 200

2009-05-01T05:26:00.000-07:00

That's such a weird thing! Under 200 I haven't been here since maybe 5 years ago. Its wonderful, its weird, its lovely, its scary. Its a sign to keep going....

Bicyclez

2009-04-23T18:12:00.000-07:00

BTW we both got cool bikes, here we are

Losing Losing 1 2 3

2009-04-23T17:54:00.000-07:00

Favorite quote from the meeting today "If you kinda work the plan it kinda works, if you really work the plan it really works!". Veryy cool. I feel encouraged. You may ask what am I doing? Well I'm on weight watchers (have been since January 1, 2009). I eat 25 points per day (whole grains, lean meats, dairy, five veggies & 2 fruit). I also exercise I call it - EDD - every dang day. No, I don't go to the gym everyday but I do ride my bike, do Chalene Extreme DVD at home (strength training), walk at least 1.5 miles, do Chalene DVD Turbo Jam and some of the time Dancing off the Pounds Ball room. I really mix it up. If I don't do a DVD then I'm walking at lunch, if I don't walk at lunch I come home and do 30 min of strength training, etc. Its hard yes. There are times I wanna sit on my booty and just eat and eat and eat. But I've been down that road and I know what it is.

I am so close to under 200 now, I can see and feel it. this is the picture that got me started, its also my picture that I will keep going to, here's the picture of me in the same shirt 17 lbs later. If I keep this up Steph says I'll be at 180 by the wedding. That will be good but I want it to be great. I wanna be Biggest Loser great ya know? 150 or 160? Slow and stead win the race right?

Not much to say today

2009-03-28T15:06:00.000-07:00

Lots to think about though. I'm officially down 14 lbs! That's incredible to me, but more importantly its a scary time. Usually when I get this close to under 200 I really do sabotage. I talked to my WW leader and am trying to reframe and story board - basically plan what I'm going to do in situations that get to me. Some of the time I don't want to work out, some of the time I want to eat and eat and eat when I'm stressed - which is a lot more than I care to mention - at work. The politics, back stabbing, etc. It gets to me, I then have to think, I die from to much stress or because I ate myself to death these same people would be first in line to say something ugly at my funeral!

So I strive to give the best of myself, I try to be better, I work out harder, trying to lift more weights, train harder, eat less, splurge less (but still be satisfied). My new life is a scary road but I'm willing to keep training

By the way here's my new bike I'm getting for B-Day

Changing Careers

2009-03-21T13:10:00.001-07:00

So most of the time I do blogging on my hair and today I'm getting it retightened.

While I'm getting it retightened we have lots of time to talk and reflect. We've had a hard couple weeks. A friend of hers, Eric Jerome Hill (53) died suddenly of a heart attack. It's been surreal, I find myself thinking about death and not waking up one morning more and more. What's that about? I don't know but I think that we all get shown things in life to help us make good decisions. Part of my good decisions includes making sure I'm eating healthier and working out daily. As I get stronger and lose more weight (I'm down 11 lbs) I think about my own mortality and what I want my legacy to be.

I enjoy my job I feel I do a great job, however, I know my calling is to teach and inspire. This makes me think of a change in careers. How can I blend technology and my love for inspiring others into a good career? I too may not wake up one day and in that day I want to know I did as much of what the universe either God or the Goddess wants me to fulfill so that I can meet them and have them proud of what I did. Whether you agree with my faith or not, I feel that you are shown things in the order you are to receive them. For example, Eric's death was meant to touch me but I feel its for a bigger reason other than to make me saddened. It was to show me that time is short and that I have to get started and working harder and harder because if my time is like his, I only have 15 years to live, to love, to complete my journey to perfect myself. Its not a long time, but even 30 years is a short time to perfect onself.

I am reenrolling in school to get my counseling certificate (yes another master's) but with this I can continue slowly doing what I feel God wants me to do. Yes, this blog is deeper than about my hair but my life is not my hair, my life isn't even mine I feel. Its about giving my life to others and hopefully giving them joy and happiness :) Peace and love to everyone that reads my blog because your blogs feed my soul as well!

Soul Men

2009-03-07T19:49:00.000-08:00

Check out my new facebook group for locked sisters and brothers.

I'm getting my hair retightened now by my sister - which is incredible because her birthday is next week - come check it out
http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?topic=8741&post=34838&uid=67511646083#/group.php?gid=67511646083

I'll try and have good items for you to discuss :) Peace and locked soul

Graduation Celebration

2008-12-22T10:41:00.001-08:00

I graduated with my Master's last week so exciting. I wanted to show you my hair style. For this event, I wore my hair up. Twisted in the back, I wore lots of hair pins to keep it up and soft spiked it the night before. Right before I left for the commencement I moussed it and pulled it away from my face on the side and twisted it in a french roll in the back.

I am quite the perfectionist and it took me a second to get the cap on just right so that my bangs would show through. It didn't show the length as much as I wanted to but I was happy with the overall affect when it was all said and done. Its impressive to me that it stood the test of time and withheld all day and night partying. It started to snow the night of the event and it kept up with all of it without a hitch!.

I loved my blouse that I wore a red halter shirt with the back out it was so cute but I mostly wore a black jacket over it because I'm pretty modest and could only ho' out for a second :)

Happy Halloween

2008-10-30T22:13:00.001-07:00

Here's another ghoulish picture of me! This is me getting a retightening. Ha ha well actually its not bad, I've been using my curlers for my locks (I use soft spikes) and while I look crazy with them in it totally worth the end result.

This is one of my favorite pictures of me in locks with my funny looking wife beater on I look ghetto but fabulous. Hope all of you have a great Halloween!

Btw I graduate December 13 from school. I am so psyched! This is such an accomplishment and I wish my mom were here to celebrate with me. But, I know she is in heaven looking down on me and smiling :)

My sister has to section them out and then start the tightening process, winding my hair around the tool and getting the new growth back in the pattern it needs to be in to continue.

Happy Anniversary

2008-09-22T20:01:00.001-07:00

My hair is one year old today, if you scroll around on my site you'll see my changes in my hair. I decided to go to locks one year ago. I saw someone on the 16th street mall today and she let me know she liked my hair but never could do it because she so afraid. She wanted to know if I did it myself (no never always go to a certified loctician) did I do alot with it (well I separate them after every washing - which is one to twice a week - I'm a fanatic) and what do I do to make them curly (i curl them with soft spikes small size but I'm going to have to get bigger ones in about six months).

This is the picture of my lock appointment. I was undergoing a surgery and wanting so many changes in my life and boy did I get them. I went from very short damaged, weaved, braided, bad (I know I'm not supposed to say it but bad hair) to my coily, lovely curly funny locks. Steph had just finished getting her tonsils out, my sister was going into surgery too, my daughter was going through fun at school and my job was turning into a mess of turmoil. But I thought I had friends at work that I could always count on.

As my hair grew so did the realization that my life was changing for the better. I found that my friends are actually chosen by me and given to be my a higher power. I found out I really didn't need to be a leader to lead, and I found out that love is wonderful when accepted and embraced.

When I first got my sisterlocks I wanted to cry because I thought it looked like little snakes all around sharp and twisted (because of the old perm) and so small and not filled in and so many parts and I wanted to wear a bandana. So different from me using my soft spikes and letting them set (I have tried using very little heat curlers on them and that is not good) and going right to work. Some days I just spritz it with water and rosemary essential oils (i have two bottles one at home one at work). I love keeping my hair moist from time to time. Not drenched like jeri curls but wetting and go to keep the pointers behaving.

Its getting odd I have locks in my eyes when the wind blows them and it scares me when I'm driving. I get them caught in my earrings because their falling just below my ears now. I feel a little bit on my neck which is ever so lovely and I like braiding them and letting them loose to be wild. I love it when people touch them. I can't wait to tell people about them when they ask. But my question is always this, women come up to me and say I want my hair to look like that but I'm just afraid. Afraid of what I wonder? The committment, the freedom from pressing comes and smelling like grease and oils and waxes? I haven't had anything but soap and water in my hair for over a year and ya know what? It hasn't fallen out. Do I some times want longer hair - yup but I know that my hair grows six inches per year and next year it will be around 10 - 12 inches long - yep 10 -12 inches long that's crazy for me. How do I know this because if you leave your hair alone it grows it can't help it. I also know because when I started I had 1 1/2 inches of coiled hair plus 2 - 3 inches of permed hair and not its almost 4.5 and that's with locking and using the tool and cutting out all of the permed hair. Hmm I wish I would've made the decision sooner. It hasn't cost me a job or a promotion or love in my life (if any hair style did I wouldn't want it). My sister and nephew both have theirs done too which only makes me happier. Yeah anniversary :)

Measurements and measurements

2008-08-27T19:03:00.000-07:00

So its me again. I've been trying to lose weight, figure out my life and where I fit in, and grow my Sisterlocks! Well I'm doing pretty well at the latter because I have no control. I see so many beautiful locks around. Very long and well kept and at the beginning of my hair journey I had neither. It was short, parted all over the place, choppy weird length, and my face is so full it just made me look like a egg colored with pieces of black yarn.

Now I'm finding focus and losing control. I have to lose control of where my hair and destiny is going and give over that God will give me the destination of his choosing and I have to let go. That's what I am seriously planning on doing. Its almost my locknniversary in September and I am so happy and can't wait to see what it looks like next year. Here's my lengths so far,

Nape of neck 2.75
Left Ear 3.75
Right Ear 3.75
Widows Peak 3.5

What this means to me is now that I have let go of growing my hair I get to do the same with my career. I love to sing and I love to cook so I have had a vision of two different ways that I should be going. One is the make extra money selling baked goods at the office – I love muffin tops and I want them to be my specialty.

Also, I feel drawn to starting a choir for my choice – ridiculous considering I only have singing talent (and haven’t done so in years) and have no pianist, no drums, and best of all no restrictions. I want people who join my choir to represent all the diversity that God brings. I feel we can do contemporary, gospel, and classical and even rock but claim it and sing it to inspire, teach and draw people to Him. I am so nervous about this new endeavor and I hope that I do Him justice!

Losing Weight

2008-07-16T20:56:00.000-07:00

So I have cool new hair and am trying different things with it. I

started to braid it and let it go. I'm starting to exercise and watching my foods etc. I started to do the fat smash and after detox I feel like I crashed and burned. I was doing really good but after a few days of eating at restaurants I could feel myself getting larger so Steph and I have started working out at 24 hr fitness.

My day begins with multi vitamins, fish oil, and apex fat burn 1 with a yogurt, a grande americano with no sugar and no fat milk and i'm on my way. My lunch is usually a salad with protein and an egg with fat free salad dressing and dinner I try and have out like tokyo joe's chicken, veggie and brown rice bowl with curry or even a burger and fries. I'm working out 3 times a week so far (strength, cardio, kickboxing) that's it. I'll keep you updated!

So off I go

2008-06-04T20:12:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited that I am getting started into new and better avenues. One I get my check in with my psychic this week (even though some of yall might not agree I think its fun), two my sisters (Renee and Shelley) and Steph and I are starting a networking group and I couldn't be happier its so good to have support and I hope we continue. If you are in the Denver metro area and want to give or receive support in starting your own business you can join our group http://groups.google.com/group/fresh-entrepreneurs. Its open to all we are trying to visit small businesses for the meeting places, support each others events and businesses (when we can) and "hire" the best speakers we can (as a big ol' group).

Onto my hair, my sister is starting to tighten my hair and that girl can twist tight - jk it wasn't that bad. I am back to using the sisterlocks starter shampoo just to get the texture back as it was softer and wasn't locking quite as fast. I have to admit it is harder in texture but I love the smell of the knotty boy better but don't tell Dr. Cornwell that :)

I see it growing more which is odd I have some that are past my chin now (if I pull them) and then of course there's the blowing in the hair that I haven't ever felt before without extensions. Man oh man am I on my way!

Back to Basics

2008-05-13T17:26:00.001-07:00

So my sis is now going towards her certification in Sisterlocks (she's the red head below!). So we were talking with the ever wonder Joyce my loctician and I guess I gotta stop using my knotty boy at least until I'm all locked up. So I'm going back to basics and back to the starter shampoo. But its not that my hair is slipping cuz it really isn't but it is still soft.

My locverssary is September so I wanna make sure its all good when a year comes around. So hopefully you can see how much my hair has grown.

Its been doin well its just so funny I'm a very happy one right now. I don't have much kitchies anymore which is so good!

So I also got a nose ring since I turned 37 and have wanted one for a very long time. So steph and eye were out and about and we decided well we're out might as well do something hmm dairy queen or a nose ring and I chose nose ring! Well longer blog later :)

Happy B day

2008-04-24T20:57:00.003-07:00

This has been a crazy year! I am learning more about myself and more importantly about my life and why I love it so much. Steph through me a birthday party for my 37th. I can't believe I'm this old! Ha ha! My life has changed quite a bit. Last year I was thinking about leaving the State, had formed some close relationships at my job that I thought would never be broken and started dating Steph (not shown to the right - that's my best friend Christine). Anyway, now its a year later. I've found that I had to get rid of my myspace to avoid drama at the office, lost most of "close" friends at work and am now pretty much a loner except for spending time with Marlo. I'm the manager of the group now which means - you know - you have no friends any more at all. But that's okay because I have a great support system at my home with Steph, Shary, Shelley, Renee, Shawn, Kaye and Martell :)

My sis and nephew both have their hair did in locks now (Shelley did hers about a month after mine). She's now thinking about becoming certified. My daughter is wearing her hair all natural which is wonderful cuz she looks so cute! (my sis is to the right with her man Norman)

I don't think about my hair much but my hands are constantly in it. From time to time I want it to grow grow grow faster and faster. Just the other day I was helping Maria move and had to take hair out of my eyes! I couldn't believe it, my own hair from my crazy sides was in my eyes. Wow. That hasn't happened in forever. Not that I can remember unless I'm thinking when I was a kid. Try to blog sooner but really its getting crazy at work and there's not much to say so far.

New look

2008-03-21T19:58:00.000-07:00

So I braided the sides of my hair and here's a new look for me I am loving this length I think. I haven't braided my hair in forever.

New Pix Side Pictures

2008-03-21T19:35:00.001-07:00

Six months Six months I can't believe it its been so long, I've learned so much and have been through so much getting a great loctician. My sister took a great leap of faith and is doing her locks now and my nephew is getting his done Wed! I can't believe it a whole free family! I am so proud :)

Whatup with your hair?

2008-03-21T19:17:00.000-07:00

Sooooo

Had sushi with my girl a few weeks ago. It was amazing to be able to swim and have fun and not worry about my hair. I showered and didn't bunch and band at all and nothing came out. I got my retightening done two weeks later and no slippage!!!

I am using the knotty boy shampoo bar once a week now it smells great and it doesn't take much. I wet my hair, run my hands over the bar and get them suds up then squish it into my wet hair. Then I rinse and do it again. The bar leaves my hair with no signs of that squishy conditioner feeling it feels bone dry and very clean. Love it! The bar is about $12 bucks but its worth it.

I was at my sisters birthday party and I did cute little pipe cleaner set which made them lay down like I was some jazz singer. My sis was amazed at how thick my hair is getting. I have no space in between the sections anymore. She asked me today while we were on the phone do you have thick hair? I told her I do now!

Ancestry

2008-01-20T20:47:00.000-08:00

I was over my sisters house looking at pictures and then again with my girl and my daughter just the other day. Its amazing how much I haven't changed (in regards to hair) ever since I was born. I look at the thin side, the fine texture, the short length. I think my hair has been five or six inches at its most for my entire life.
(me in 2007 before locks - around May)

Examining this I think about my locks. I think some of them are about that size now (after 4 mos of growing) and I wonder how long they will be next
(me in 2007 to the left) week, month and year. I'm diligently reading everyones blogs to see where there hair started especially those that have very long locks after years.

(Me 2004)

I then think about my ancestors. I remember braiding my great grandma's hair and oiling her scalp. She would sit in her rocking chair - we would have coffee or tea with cookies in china and someone would be watching Lawrence Welk. There we would be and I would be the beautician of the group asking my grandma and great grandma and auntie if my hair would ever be like theirs so straight so pretty so carefree. They didn't need perms or anything to have this corn silk hair they just needed hot oil treatments with blessed olive oil and to roll their hair with pink foam rollers wrapped with newspaper. I begged for this hair, wanted to die for this hair. Why didn't mine do this? It just soaked up the oil and my sides never got thicker never grew never lengthened what was wrong with me? Then I looked at my mom. She had beautiful past her shoulders braids when she was a child that she cut off immediately after beginning junior high. Maybe it was because of this that mine was so short and unruly. Its so fine and thin and BAD! It coils and curls and isn't straight at all.

Now looking at these pictures I feel all of the pain. The teasing by children about my bad hair, the wishing for beautiful mixed hair or straight white hair or curly mexican hair anything but my hair. I felt this was such a punishment my hair of mine, and now I'm looking at these pictures of my locks and I see thickness I see fullness I see peas of hardness and new growth. I measure my locks with my fingers and think one day I'm going to wake up and its now going to grow past this length. I'm not going to have hair past my ears - but here they are. I won't have hair on my forehead but I see three inches and four inches of growth creeping its way down. I feel hair on my neck that is mine and wanting to go further. Without any encouragement other than being left alone. This is a miracle that I feel so unworthy of at times, I am frightenend with every retightened I see this change in me and feel my strength and feel the tears dropping down my cheeks. Tears of years of pain tears of ancestry.

New Year new things

2008-01-12T06:46:00.000-08:00

So I'm doing homework for school (I'm getting my Master's in about four more classes) :)

I look out into the sky and I think of what I did this morning to get ready for a party we have to go to in about 4 hours. To prepare my hair for this event - after all this is what the forum is for - I spritz'd my hair with water (no peppermint essential oil today) and rolled small sections with pipe cleaners (just the ends). It will take about 15 minutes for the curl to show and that it is voila I will be done.

I have my first official lock! Its in the back of my head the left hand side. I'm really enjoying playing with it. My loctician the wonderful Joyce showed me where it was and had to see the difference in the texture it is hard and steady. It doesn't have any curls or loops to it. You can definitely feel the "setting in" that people describe. To me I'm overjoyed because this is what four months of work was for. I'm finally seeing some type of change that's hopeful to me having a full head of locks.

My coworkers are now commenting on my hair and how great it looks one lady asked me "but where is your long hair" and I told her "its here just wait and see". I some of the time want to pull on it to have it grow and grow if I had a button to push I would but alas, I get to wait. I desperately want to go shopping for things to put in my hair -- beads, jewels. I really am loving this.

Three Months Shots

2007-12-16T15:21:00.000-08:00

Okay here are my three month old shots for my hairy hair I wanna curl it everyday but I don't want weak spots.

Hmmm I still love how hair my feels all crunchy and poofy. I only had about ten slipped locs and she redid them in about 30 minutes in between my full retightening which was soooo great!

Take note of how much different it looks from my first do in September! Its grown so much on the right hand side and where there were weaker spots. I have funny little top ones that want to run away on their own. I'm starting to get lots of compliments and even weird "what is that in your hair looks". I can't wait to start doing my own but in the meantime my loctician and I are going to see alot of each other. Its about 2.5 hours to get them all retightened, at twenty bucks an hour its not cheap but definitely easier to manage and nicer to deal than damaging my hair. Now and then I swear its talking to me and telling me thank you!

Loctician Blues and Triumphs

2007-12-09T13:23:00.000-08:00

When I first got locs my whole person was freedom freedom from being controlled by any product, hair loss and by any one person.

My loctician was trying to control who I went to, my emotions, my life really -- as it took her three to four days to confirm that she received any message that I had when I had questions about anything - banding, the process, appointment times, etc.

This all changed when I let her know that I wanted to go to different loctician while she was having a surgery performed. She said, well its your hair but I would recommend you waiting and then when I feel better I can see you again.

Hmmm

This made me pretty uncomfortable. We don't talk about my hair in my appointments but her favorite candidate for president and other things about her. Mostly my appointments were about what was going on in her life and about politics - which is great to discuss - but my appointments should be spent on my hair right? So I decided that I am going to stick with the same loctician my sister uses she was so great! We talked about my hair the entire TWO hours of my retightening. She didn't mention, who are you voting for? What do you think about what's going on in Congress, etc. I wanted to give her a big hug and tell her thank you for paying attention to me! She even is ready to empower me further by teaching me new techniques so that I can loc my own hair when my anniversary comes up in March.

I went to my first interview with my locs done, I lightly curled the ends. Nothing was said at all about my hair only my qualifications and how I could help the company. I loved it it gave me such a great feeling to be happy about myself naturally. On the 13th I will be 3 mos old!

Two months

2007-11-16T18:28:00.000-08:00

After two months so much has changed. I feel like I'm growing as a person with my locks and growing up in my knowledge of the process. I've learned a few things that I would like to share with anyone considering getting their locks done.

I would recommend anyone thinking about locks spend a minimum of two months with their own natural hair and hair length. Getting to know yourself in this manner made me so much stronger. I had no wigs or weaves in between me and my hair. I gelled it and took care to really get to feel each coil and move my fingers through with ease.

After my locks were put in a good friend of mine, Val, told me that I would get my strength in about three months. I didn't know what she was speaking of but now I feel I do. My strength is getting up everyday, believing in myself and in my own beauty with or without hair or extensions or makeup. I receive more looks, glances, and smiles with my hair natural than ever before and I am becoming stronger.

There are still days that I wish that my hair were flowing down my back but I want it to be mine and not a product of what I have been told is pretty or beautiful. My daughter is growing up now (she's 16) I want to be an icon of beauty for her and sisterlocks is helping me accomplish this goal.

My hair now gets retightened -- see photo to the right -- then it flattens down, after that it just starts to puff out after i braid and bunch it but this picture shows the growth pretty well I think.

Almost Two Months Old

2007-11-04T19:56:00.001-08:00

My next retightening will be two months! I am so excited my hair has taken on its own little life of its own and is growing like a weed. Let's see if you all agree? I'm trying not to curl the ends that are still permed too much and keeping braids and bunching from time to time. I'm noticing alot of dry scalp in the front and that's a little odd but its okay.

I'm using knottyboys' peppermint spray for itch relief. My sisterlocks are starting to have little knots at the end of them which feels so cool. I have cantkeepmyhandsoutofmyhairitis. Its getting worse I keep grabbing and touching and pulling on my locks more and more. Here's my shot from us on Halloween. It was so cool! My daughter asked "What are you gonna do to your hair" and I said "Wet it and go!"

Happy Anniversary

2007-10-16T21:24:00.000-07:00

I've had my locks for one whole month now (install date 9/13). I cannot tell all of you how much this process is changing me. I'm having to address my fears, superficial and otherwise, about my hair. Do I want my hair to grow every night? Yes!!! Do I worry if I've done the right thing with my locks? Absolutely! There are times that I don't want to tie it up, where I don't want to curl the ends, where I don't want to bundle before washing, etc.

But, there are other times that it is my source of healing. I look at how my hair has been damaged and ruined and how it is still fighting its way back - even though I tried killing it. I have covered it with braids, weaves, glue and other things so many times.

I have started relationships with tons of fake hair and then expected people to love the real me. I've doubted my own beauty and my own sense of worth in the workforce because of my hair. I've doubted friendships, love, family members when they have to see me in my natural state. How could they really want to be with the true me?

This has been a growing process and its just the beginning. My girlfriend greets me with "Hello beautiful" all of the time and I even don't want to accept that because of my insecurities but it is getting easier. I thank God for my locs, for my love and family, and for the support of the blog! See ya in a month

Perm rods and the Asian Shop

2007-10-09T13:07:00.000-07:00

So I stop by the Asian hair place to get perm rods, additional rubber bands and one scarf. The gentleman that usually helped me with my #4 weave hair in curly or remy straight just stared at me and all I said was "hello". He said "you're doing something different with your hair?" then I explained sisterlocks and that I was to a point where I think I can perm rod them and he smiled and kept staring and told me "good for you".

well, I can't tell you what that did for me I used to never leave that place with at least $80 less out of my pocket - today's total a whopping $8. Can you say 100% decrease in one month at the hair shop mmmmm mmmmm loving that a lot. And my hair looks cute and healthy.

Here's to enjoying the experience, right?

Also my loctician called to see how my locks were doing - WOW! I just loved that, I must tell her when I see her next week! see you all later

Let me just say

2007-10-04T20:24:00.000-07:00

When I got my first sisterlocks (the test pattern) you can see about how long and thin my hair was.

Now this same area looks like this:

I finished another retightening and turn around cannot describe how I feel. She was pleasant, nice, listened to me and my frustrations and then proceeded to start to do my hair. Sure from time to time she stopped to look at email and make phone calls but she always apologized and let me know that she had to let her fingers rest before continuing.

She also kept a little time clock that she would turn off and on as the night progressed. Overall a very different and enjoyable experience.

For the newly loc'd your hair may do like mine and lie down whenever you get retightened this is normal.

and it feels great and pulled like a ponytail tight but I like my hair twisty and free so it'll take a few days to go away before its back to the curly fro that i love after a few bundles. I will try this time not to wet it (only mist for stylin) until my next appointment.

wish me luck and will write again after the 16th (my next appointment)

Other pix of me through the years

2007-10-03T15:27:00.000-07:00

I thought before I head out to the loctician and let her know how really unhappy I was my last appointment, that I would show some pictures of my hair through the years.

I've noticed that its always been about the same style & length. Hmm.

This is me on a cruise in 2004 it took forever to do it and because we were in the Bahamas (me and my sister Shelley -- in the picture, my nephew Martell, and my then girlfriend Sherry) and other islands I didn't go into the water at all.

An another one of me 2 mos before with Ms. Steph my girlfriend of six months and my daughter Shary who is 16 I can't even believe I have a teenager - but that's another blog all together :)

My first month with locs

2007-10-01T17:26:00.000-07:00

So its been one month and honestly its pretty frustrating. I see slow changes and lots of slippage. I love how my hair feels and its so great to have the freedom of no combs etc. Considering my hair as it looks naturally (on 9/13/07) and now (10/1/07) its really quite a difference. I'm not seeing as many parts and it seems to be ok

The frustrating part is the bundling of the hair that you really don't hear about before you wash it.
If I had to do all over again I WOULD NOT wash my hair at all until its time for a retightening. The will be my second retightening on 10/3/07 and every time I wash it or wet it (I bundle religiously) there is still a significant amount of slippage.

I will post a picture of my slippage for those who may want to know and also the bundling process which only adds about 15 minutes to my morning but if i don't bundle and let it curl on the ends my locks look frightening because of the permed parts.

But I'll try again Wed and then see. Here's to next two weeks.

First Post/First set of Locks

2007-09-04T21:34:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my blog about my experience with sisterlocks. I am going to a great loctician and have so much to look forward to. Hope you enjoy the fun I'm going through. I got my first test set of locs today (about 11 in all) and its going to be a change I can tell. Here's to my next post after I get my full set.